So, when I woke up this morning I had about 10 emails answering my question that I had posted on Craig's List. They ranged from the well thought out to the freaky... I guess that's what ya get when it comes to free online forums. Feel free to peruse and see if you agree or disagree. (I'm not editing for grammer, but will try for punctuation)
___________________________________
Hi,I'd like to respond to your question. It's a fair question, and I want to give a respectful answer. For background, I'm 49, divorced. I'm 6' tall, 175 pounds. I am average looking, not ripped, not overweight. More on the thin side I guess.
I do prefer thin women. Part of it is simple "personal preference". Some people like tall partners, some like long hair, some like thin, some like heavier. I happen to be drawn to thinner women. I have dated heavier women, and honestly, I have not felt sexual attraction to them. I am not a sex fiend by any means, but eventually a relationship, if it is to become serious, explores that aspect of human relations. A large person can of course be a nice lady, full of integrity, and a lot of fun. But if I cannot be physically attracted to them, then I am not doing them a favor by dating them no matter how nice they are.
I have gone on first dates with women who describe themselves as "average" only to find that they are overweight. An example (this is my opinion of course) is someone who was 5ft 5in, and weighed almost 200 pounds (she told me). Either they lied so that I would meet them, or they really feel they are average. If they really feel they are average, then the likely have no incentive to change. If they lied, then they showed me up front the level of their integrity. Neither scenario entices me to pursue a relationship.
I am embarassed by the males who post cruel replies in this section. I wasn't brought up to be mean to people, and it's clear that many men are. You asked a valid question, and I wanted to give an honest point of view.
I hope this helps.
Take care,
Dan
___________________________________
First of all, I LOVED your posting. I'm a s/w/m, 36, 6', 185.....I tend to notice that in this town, lots of guys look for the "untouchable" women. Needless to say that they never get them. I, personally, look for attitude, personality, sense of humor, and sexuality. I'm a very sexual person and to me, compatibility goes a long way. I'm not picky on looks, so if I'm attracted to a woman's attitude and personality, I'll see where it goes.
As for the 10's looking for each other, I think most people in this town are materialistic. I know that most WOMEN are. Not the down to earth, genuine women, but the strippers, waitresses, night club people, etc...etc...If you look good, drive a nice car, can flash some cash, then you'll probably meet someone that's "HOT"......But, they'll probably be more interested in your possessions rather than you. I don't go for that.
To be honest, I've been in the "swing" lifestyle for over 5 years now and I've enjoyed every day of it!! I've been with small women, medium sized women and BBW's.....I loved EVERY experience. I don't have a particular type and I found that most of the "bigger" women that I've been with are LOADS of fun!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I hope this answered some of your curiousity. If you ever want to talk more, maybe we can chat online or even meet sometime.
I'd love to see some pics of you. If you're interested, I've got some to trade.
Eric
___________________________________
well you asked for an honest response. The reasonpeople want someone who is in shape is because looksgo with age. Especially women after a few kids. Alsoheavier women sometimes have looser genitalia or atleast are perceived that way.I am 15 or so pounds overweight but don't care about afew extra pounds. Some women look better with moremeat as long as it is still sexy. Thicker thighs,butt, boobs, some tummy okay.There is a double standard as men are usually justbigger and if they can get smaller women then theywill go for it. In general our culture values thewhite person look with perfect teeth, and beingphysically fit as attractive. Anyhow talk to youlater. :P Chris
___________________________________
Your appearance is key to your self image and your self image is key to your confidence in your self and if your grosely obese it just denotes an unhappy person with no self confidence and who will never succeed in life cuz of the lazy pattern of life
___________________________________
He Wrote Me:
hi just how cute are you ?
I wrote him:
That's not answering the question...
He wrote back:
i am a very real loving man , handsome
______
Go figure....
___________________________________
appreciated your normal, non male bashing post, so I will give you my 2 cents....
Yes, most men prefer slender/thin women for sure. In terms of health....while it is true that someone 20lbs overweight may in fact be healthier than a twig, that is not typically the case. I am a physician and the largest group of people BY FAR that have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes and heart attacks are overweight people. Again, there are exceptions, but that is generally true.
Now, if you are slender b/c you exercise often and religiously, then of course you are going to be healthier and in better shape than someone that is overweight...but that is obvious.
Most people, including myself, view people overweight as a bit lazy, yes. There are VERY few people that are unable to be at a proper weight, if they dedicate themselves to eating well and exercising. There are VERY few "genetically" obese people in the world. Obesity is almost always a "learned" trait based on lifestyle. let's face it, we all know that it is easier to eat fast food/frozen food and watch TV than it is to cook a healthy meal and run 3 miles a day. But, good health takes effort. There are no people alive that don't have the time to exercise 3-4 times per week, 45 min per session. Saying you are too busy is an excuse, period.
now, in terms of men that are 5's wanting women that are 10's...... yes, this is common. Men tend to "date up" in terms of looks. We all know that men are more superficial than women. BUT, women almost always are looking for a man that is tall (that too is VERY superficial) and "financially secure" so that they feel protected and safe financially. Women are shooting for financial security and men (assuming they are already financially secure) don't need the $$, so they go for the looks.
Men and women are wired differently, period. One could certainly make the argument that wanting a tall, financially secure man is just as shallow as a man that wants a woman that looks like a Barbie.
Cheers!
jeff
___________________________________
Actually size does not bother me, it's personality, what you would do to please a man, and how U would be willing to please a man. Once of my girl friends is somewhat over weight.
We went to King Kong last night. And we had a good time. If your interested, would like to meet U. JOHN
Send pic..thanks JOHN
___________________________________
Hello,
The REAL deal is that REAL men are most interested in what's in awoman's heart and mind, if theyare truly interested in the woman as more than an object.
Society and the media have created notions of ideals that shallowindividuals accept as theessence of reality, though it really has little to do with reality.
Granted, people who are HWP tend to be attracted to, and attracted bypeople they identify with in thatregard, though nothing is absolute, nor should it be
Much like a 21 year old woman probably prefers men within a certain agerange, relative to her own, thesame is somewhat true with "types" of people, even races, creeds andlifestyle.
As this dissertation is intended as a response to your curiosity, andnot an overture to garner your interests, Ican tell you that I am quite happily married to a HWP woman, andtogether we enjoy encounterswith single women for friendship and fun. Initially, we suspected thatwe wanted to find a woman who matched our"ideals" etc., but we quickly realized that seeking an "ideal" in thatregard was causing us to miss the point of ourproclivities. While we have known some great HWP women, we have alsoknown several "plus size" women, andhave actually found that we prefer larger women, given a choice. Thisis not a "sexual" consideration, though weboth agree that a larger woman is every bit as fun and adventuresome asHWP women, but more a function ofattitude and demeanor. Our experiences have indicated that most of theplus size women we've met and becomefriends with are more "real" and "genuine" than most of the HWP womenwe've known. This has caused ourinterests to focus on attitude and chemistry as we've found that much,much more important than body type etc.
are what carry a"real" relationship far into the future.
Of course, attraction is a key factor in all of this, but "real"basis of a 1000 things, none of which relate to weight. Realizing thatattraction is the first step in any relationship, itis also clear that a "real" relationship cannot survive long onattraction alone, as familiarity and sensibilities changeover time in that regard, while the "real" ideals are what carry a"real" relationship far into the future.
If I were you, I'd simply realize that we are potentially exposed toboth the best and worst in people on CL, and allanyone can do in an environment like this is put their best footforward and let the chips fall where they may. Tryingto decrypt the human psyche is a complicated thing, better to justlearn how to separate the wheat from the chaff.
As I mentioned, my wife and I occasionally find friends and playmateson CL... and it is important to note that probably 99%of the men who list and respond on CL are primarily interested insex... and as such are more focused on their unrealisticideals and less focused on "who" they are dealing with. The otherfactor is that MOST men who would likely appeal to youfrom the standpoint of age tend to suffer from a lack of maturity,another factor which clouds the reality. I suspect that as timemoves forward, and the 'pool' of choice widens for you, you will findmany great men with the experience, seasoning andmaturity to appreciate you for who you are, and not what "ideal" youconform to.
Just thought I'd share...
Best Regard,
Jack
PS. Dang, if we were just a few years younger.... LOL
___________________________________
I have no idea what the real deal is, but I have a couple of theories about it.
Let me start off by telling you a little bit about myself. I am an average looking guy, probably somewhere between a 5 and a 6. On a good day, I can pull a solid 6. Which is admittedly not the top of the looks category by any stretch. Over the years though, I have dated several beautiful women. 9's and 10's by anyones standards. In each instance, I did not pick these women. They sought me out in every case. I found this to be rather fascinating and thought a lot about the reasons things like this happen.
In each case, I was able to identify a single thing that attracted each one of these women to me.For a couple, it was my sense of humor. I am usually pretty good at getting people to laugh and in a couple of cases this single trait was enough. In other cases, it was my ability to listen or to be brutally honest about things that were the traits that certain women appreciated about me.
Through this process, I learned something interesting about women. In nearly every case that I am aware of, while men may pursue women, it is ultimately women who decide who they want to be with and for the strangest reasons.
Now the flip side of this is that attractive women get pursued more than women that are less attractive.This is true until you get to true 10's who are rarely pursued at all because many men just don't have the confidence required to approach them. Throughout history, the idea of what is attractive has changed and will doubtless change again.Unfortunately, you are a slightly rubenesque lady in a period that is enamored with slender women.There are really only a couple of options at this point. You can attempt to conform to the current social ideal, or you can hope that you find someone who appreciates those qualities.
In either situation, I wish you the best and hope that I have been able to shed at least a little insight on this mystery.
-Michael
___________________________________
Allow me to hopefully offer a new and refreshing perspective to your delimma.
I'm 24, and I've worked and lived in Vegas for about a year. Trying to meet a decent, level-headed girl here is nearly impossible, but that's beside the point.
I like when a girl is a little chubby. I don't mind if she's curvy, voluptuous, has chunky legs, a beer belly, a fat ass, is ten, twenty, thirty -- even forty pounds overweight (although that is pushing it a bit).
I don't mind if she eats junk food and doesn't exercise, either.
In fact, I like it. I think having a body that isn't "perfect" can be sexy. I'm attracted to chunky girls. I like curves. I like a soft shape. Why not? What's wrong with it?
I'm pretty thin myself. Although recently I haven't been exercising much, I've always been healthy -- I've always hiked, played racquetball, eaten well, etc. I used to work at a health food store. So it has nothing to do with my own lifestyle. I just know what I like, regardless of what society has attempted to program me with -- I know I like fat.
Everyday I'm bombarded with images of bone-thin, ripped-bodied, sun-scorched freaks of nature on TV, magazines, even at work. These people are obsessed with looks, obsessed with exercise and what they eat. Being around them is intolerable. They don't judge you for your character, they judge you for how often you hit the gym. It's just a mindset, a mentality that is sickening. There is nothing wrong with being healthy, but most people in our society do it for the wrong reasons, reasons involving image, status, other highly superficial motivations.
When I watch those TV infomercials for weight loss products, often think the people in the before and after pictures looked better before they lost all that weight. I say to myself, "Guess what dummy, you look worse now!"
I\'ve long since given up on people being able to think for themselves, so I don\'t bother myself with this stuff anymore. I don\'t worry about it. I just ignore the ignorant masses as much as I can. -- Justin
