Candide

Anyone ever read that book?

I was supposed to read it in High School. I think I did read all of it. But I bought a copy a while ago and I have NEVER gotten through more than half of the book. I came across a blog a while ago that I enjoy.

http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/

Her quote of the day was from Candide. (Voltaire being the person who wrote it)

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it. Voltaire.

Doing a little bit of research on this quote to get some background I'm astonished to find that no one realizes that Voltaire didn't SAY the damn quote, he wrote it. Now, I think Prof. Pangloss said it but it may have been Candide. For such intellectuals, opening a damn book might help. Seeing as how this book was one of the most notable of all of Candide's writings.

Anyways, back on topic. I try to read classic lit with a high lighter. Notate some things that catch me eye and next time I go to read it, take a look at it and see what I caught and what I didn't, etc. Just try to be literary and all. I remember highlighting this portion and then reading it as the Quote of the Day on her blog make me thing.

How can I attribute this to my own life... if I can attribute it at all?

I'm going through my life and trying to figure it out and all I can come up with is this: I'm an American. If there is any country in this world that would stand for this quote it would be Americans.

At night, it's hard for me to turn my mind off and get some sleep. On Yahoo, I'll play Gin or Bingo or Blackjack or something to bore me into sleeping. Well, somehow I got into a game with someone from Spain. Didn't speak a lick of English and I can't speak Spanish on a toddler's level. She kept asking something that my little translator couldn't figure out. Finally I got it - she wanted to know what country I was from. When I told her that I was American she lol'd and that was it. It got me thinking....

(C'mon stay with me, I know I go off on tangents a lot)

I worked in an ice cream store when I was in high school. The September 11th disaster happened about a week into my Senior year. Right around the time I was becoming more aware of what was going on in the world and not just in my little section of it. This store had it's front and one side completely encased in windows. About 2 weeks after September 11th there were about 4 individuals walking on the other side of the street. My co-worker and best friend at the time had made some comments about them completing the bombings and calling them names (by the way they were dressed we could tell that they were from a middle eastern culture but nothing else). Now, if you really think about it there is no way that THOSE 4 people could be complete the bombings because they're walking around and the people that did it are dead. Secondly, her automatic assumption that because they had long bears and were wearing clothes that identified themselves as foreigners that they had something to do with it. I wasn't angry but I was irritated. My thought was "No wonder they call us ignorant you f'ing moron, it's becuase of people like you".

I think you could even call that event a defining moment in my life. From then on I tried not to be ignorant about the world around me. I began dating a man that was in the military and it opened my eyes even moreso than her air headed comment.

So what exactly about me makes me identify with the quote? Small town mentality, the fact that I dated military, or just because of the fact that I'm American and it's what we do. American's ALWAYS get into other people's shit. Korea, Vietnam, Kuwait invasion, etc. I wish that Americans would become a little bit more imperialistic and keep to them selves instead of trying to act like a world police. It's a double edged sword.

Take ANY foreign incident in history. If the Americans were part of it there was someone bitching that we needed to stay out of it. If the Americans stayed out of it there was someone bitching that we didn't do enough. Can't make them all happy, so who is going to try any more.

I'll admit that I'm a little happy that President Bush is pissing some people off. Now, am I happy about the results (death, etc)? Of course not. There's not a whole lot of things I like Pres. Bush for but I can tell that he really DOES care for this country. Unfortunately, he just doesn't know the best way to protect it.

My military guy once told me: You can support us (military) without supporting the war.

And I did from that point on.

Regardless of how I feel about my exboyfriend now, I do respect him for his military service.

Who would think that Candide and 2 million US Military personnel would have something in common.

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.

Oh and Voltaire also said some other gems of literature:

• To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
• If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
• It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
• Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
• This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.

I kinda fell off the bloggin bandwagon

I got my tarot cards read recently by a novice that was very nice. To be honest, it kind of freaked me out. Now, I do have a tendency to be interested in the magical and mystical but that doesn't necessarily mean that I believe in it. All things taken with a grain of salt in my opinion. I think that a Tarot card reading doesn't necessarily reveal your future but make you more cognizant of what's going on around you so that you don't get struck off guard. It's an eye opener and this particular event opened my eyes. It didn't make me so enlightened; I'll equate it to getting slapped in the face by a 5 year old. It's more shocking than painful. It'll open your eyes for a brief moment before you turn back to reality again.

First off she said that I needed to find a creative outlet. Now, I thought I was doing ok when I had started writing this thing. Who reads it? Probably no one, but no matter. I get to put my unfiltered thoughts out there and that's something that I enjoy. So I'm going to try and be a little more attentive to my updates on this and maybe that will make me a little easier to live with.

She said that I think very poorly of myself because of my actions and that I shouldn't be doing that. When I spoke to someone else about this, they equated me to a modern day Robin Hood. Yes, I cheat, lie, fight and am all around shady but I do it to help people. They can't get it on their own, and so I have to step up and do it. She told me that instead of thinking that I'm such a horrid person that I should focus on the REASONS I do what I do instead of the actual ACTIONS of what I'm doing. For once, I have an example of bad actions producing good results. My mother would be proud.

After we got over the whole 'you're not going to go to Hell for your job' thing she told me to take it easy at my job a little more. She 'saw' that I incorporate a lot of the personality I have at work into my personal life; that I work a little too much, too. I like to think that I am one way in the office and a total different way when I'm not in the office. I find it amazing that I will end up meeting people in our 'off time' and they'll perceive me in a whole different light. Once a bitch, now a sweetie. Of course there are those that just like my bitchy side :) Essentialy, she told me to just take it easy and not take myself so seriously. I'm on a 12 step program for it. I'm seeing small but significant success.

The last thing that she said was really the defining shocker. She said that my family will be ok and that they don't need me the way I think they need me.

For so long I've put myself in a rut. I've made it so that my family is the most important thing to me. I broke up from my boyfriend at their advice (which ended up to be good advice but I would've liked to enjoy the smooth ride we had going a little longer instead of getting on the damn roller coaster). I've essentially been the bouncher for my family and it turns out that they didn't even need me like that. If it's true, that's a hard realization to come to. My sinking feeling is that it is true.

Throughout this last reveleation she revealed that my family can see that I'm unhappy and that it's making them unhappy. The fact that I'm the one that tries to protect them from being unhappy and I'm the purpose of their unhappiness was painful. She said that I need to start living for me and not for everyone else. I can't help everyone I work with, I can't shield my entire family but I can do something that makes ME happy.

That's what I'm going to try to do.

No more working until 8 o'clock at night. I'm out by 7 o'clock at the latest (hey, I gotta start somewhere!)

No more coming into the office on weekends. No one else is there, there's not reason for me to be there.

I will however need to make it IN to the office at a decent hour >.<

No more: It's family dinner tonight so I can't go out. I'll grub, say my thanks, and take off.

I'll start looking for a new place to live.


If my family loves me as much as I love them, they'll stand behind me. And maybe buy me housewarming gifts.

Is what's good for you really better?

It's been a few days since I wrote down this topic and then actually began to write about it, so forgive a little... scatterbrained'ness :)

I don't know if it was through a conversation, something that I read, or something that I heard on TV but it makes me wonder. If something is good for us, does that really mean that it's better?

Now, we can obviously argue the obvious points. Grey Goose > Smirnoff but that doesn't mean it's good for you. Camel > Parliament but that doesn't mean it's good for you.

I'm talking mainly about the emotional and/or social aspects of this argument. An example, eh? Ok, let me think.... breaking up with a person (significant other) that you don't love may be good for you but is it really better for you?

I guess the argument is a little like apples and oranges. What's good for you NOW may not be better for your LATER. I had that with a boyfriend... only the opposite and I've very recently realized that it was such. At the time, breaking up with him was the right thing but I didn't believe it was better for me. Now, I believe that breaking up with him was better and it's been good for me. It's the little revelations in life that really make it worth living, isn't it?

Even moreso, it got me thinking about how else I could apply this. Because, after all, this blog is about many things. Punctuation, however, is not one of those things.

So, what other revelations can we uncover? I'm open to suggestions.

On the flip side, however, we always have that sinking sensation to do something bad. Isn't that why girls always go for the bad boys? Girls want something that they shouldn't have which makes it that much sweeter when we get a taste. Don't get me started on chocolate.

But think about it.... and let me know.