Kissing... aka The Best Thing in the World.

And damn, aren't first kisses the best?

Anyone that knows me (which is hard since I'm trying my damndest to be Anonymous) knows that my tastes in TV shows is a little... off. But I really like this show in VH1 called #1 Single showing Lisa Loeb look for a man.

It's refreshing to see a celebrity fuck up just as much as us mere mortals do. Be shy, intimidated, perturbed, and the like. It's especially nice that they have the nuts to put it on TV. To each their own, right?

But this last episode showed one of the best first kisses that I've seen. Maybe because it wasn't a movie kiss or some other form of a pretend kiss. But it was fantastic... you could tell that she got chills off of it. I mean, usually when you're just starting to date a guy you two have to practice how the other person likes to be kissed and hopefully find common ground. But it 'looked' like they didn't need to. Now, does this mean that the first kiss means everything and that since they had such an ideal first kiss that they're destined for marriage? No. But it would be nice.

I'm primarily known as not th easiest person to get around. Dating makes me damn near nauseous... I don't see why I can't just pick my guy out of a catalog, but oh well. None the less, first kisses are the best and I am one of those girls that believe that you can tell 99.9% of the relationship by the first kiss. Kissing is so important in my opinion, that if the guy can't kiss I won't sleep with him.

If it's done right, kissing is better than sex.

First is the setting. Now, going back through my first kisses - which aren't many but enough to preserve my dignity - I've had some really good ones and some really bad ones.

I've had 3 first kisses with one guy before... which was interesting. I think that the most interesting part of it was to actually see how both of our styles had evolved each time. The first time, we were youngins and to be honest with you I don't really remember that FIRST kiss but I remember our first heavy make out session (I wasn't NEARLY ready to have sex at that age, so making out was as good as it got). Heh, that session became a joke of ours for years to come. Up and Over! Don't mind that, just reminiscing. But I distinctly remember just a little too much... fervor. It was like we were trying to be movie stars or something and in retrospect it was just goddamn hilarious.

The second time, we were a bit older. It was about 5 degrees outside and we were outside of a restaurant at 9:30 at night (my curfew was 9 pm). It was a banner first kiss. Sweet, warm, not excessively slobbery, and it was sincere. I could hardly drive home... my knees were still wobbling as I was driving. Over time we had a few reunion kisses. One REAL good reunion kiss.

Third time, we had both had a little too much to drink. It was like... we've been together for so long, that we totally know how to do this. We knew what the other person likes, we knew what the other person didn't like. We just knew and it was hot. I wish I could remember more of it but sadly that whole drinking thing kinda put a damper on it.

But this guy... wow. He could bring me to my knees with just a kiss. It's hard to describe. When a woman doesn't want to have sex we're either tired, or we've got a headache, we don't feel good... whatever. This guy could kiss me when I was tired WITH a headache and I'd be looking for the nearest bedroom. Haven't found a guy that could kiss like him just yet. I'm still searching thoroughly though :)

I had one first kiss that was horrid. He was a friend of a friend, yadda yadda. Nice guy and all, and we were mutually interested in each other. He ended up coming into town with our mutual friend and I was in his hotel room until 1 am one night. Well, I left wanting to kiss him but I didn't... I chickened out. As I'm leaving I call a friend and he tells me to just go back and do it so I did. Maybe I hyped myself up so much that I was overly disappointed or what... I don't know. All I know is that it was one of the shortest first kisses I've ever had and that I left right afterwards. You're supposed to use your tongue playfully and not just put it in the girl's mouth and leave it there.

I was dating one guy where we would give each other a lot of little pecks but we would hardly ever kiss. No wonder I was so ick about him... if I couldn't bring myself to kiss him like that, how was I going to continue with the relationship? I think there was only one real kiss that we had,k it was Valentine's Day and he had to go to work so I cooked something real quick at my house. Anyways, we're outside at his car and he's leaving. It was nice. No wobbly knees or aything. Just nice.

There was one where I was telling him about a scar on my nose and when he got closer to me to take a look he kissed me. Sitting in my car, making out in front of the bar. Real high class there. Since I had known him for all of 2 days, it was ok. Technique was good, no excessive spit that gathers on your bottom lip, and the move in was executed with originality. But I swear, if I don't even know your last name do NOT go grabbing my tits in the car while you're trying to kiss me. Damn, maybe I am a prude?

I remember kissing my first guy ever. Too much tongue, too much spit... just all around bad. Whatever, I was 13. I was adept at a young age when it came to kissing.

What is a good first kiss... or kiss period? People ususally think that a kiss worth having has to involve tongue. Now, I'm not down with sticking your tongue in someone's mouth... there are better uses for it. I hate it when Person A is thinking about just giving a kiss like a peck on the lips and Person B is thinking French Kiss so Person B goes in with an open mouth and Person A is grossed out. That's happened to me a few times but thankfully in both situations, I was with a guy that I was comfortable around so we just laughed about it. Don't ever start a kiss with an open mouth... that's just wrong. Start with closed lips, then continue to kiss softly opening your mouth little by little. I had one guy that would LOVE it when I ran my tongue around his lips lightly... always a good move and it reminds them of other things ;)

Other than that, you just have to know your woman. I guess I'm diverse in that aspect. I've been grabbed and pushed up against a wall roughly while being priviledged to the softest lips ever.... I think he conditioned his lips before we went to bed or something.

I've had a guy wrap his arms around me and pull me as close to him as humanly possible... you couldn't have fit an atom between us.

I've had one guy pin my arms above me against a car in front of my work while our fingers interlocked. This was on the hood of my car, by the way. It was hard not getting into the back seat but a girl's gotta earn a living.

I've had on guy try to be a polite gentleman and keep his hands around the small of my back. As they started to slip down, he grabbed me by the backside, picked me up and put me on top of the kitchen countertop. It's odd how just that quick little shot of adrenaline makes things better.

I've had one guy give me a quick peck on the cheek, then as I'm walking away he grabs me and gives me a quick peck on the lips. When I'm walking away again a second time, he grabs me again. And it successively gets better and better until I really do have to go.

It's almost as if kissing is the key into most girl's pants, maybe even their hearts too. If it's done right, kissing is honestly better than sex.

Man vs. Woman

You know, I'm getting really Goddamn tired of hearing men bitch about women and women bitch about men. We're all wrong, dammit and the sooner you learn that, the sooner you'll start getting along.

This isn't really a revelation that came to ONLY me, but it is something that I was thinking about recently regarding the whole 'human nature' thing.

Men try to excuse their lack of desire for exclusivity by showing that since the dawn of time a man's purpose was to spread his 'seed' and procreate to carry on his lineage.

Ok, gotcha. Becuase cavemen had to make sure other lil caveboys came into the picture that gives you the right to fuck around on your wife, right? Riiiight.

Conversely, women's role in the world is to nurture and provide for her lineage. Now, why would she carry on her lineage with some one legged caveman that can't hunt or even climb a tree for fruit and vegetable gathering? No... of course she would go with the provider, the one that can do all of those things.

So, before you men bitch that all a woman wants out of a man is money please remember.... you get to cheat because it's in your genetic code. We get to use a man for his money because we're looking for providers.

Booyah and shut the hell up.