I kinda fell off the bloggin bandwagon
I got my tarot cards read recently by a novice that was very nice. To be honest, it kind of freaked me out. Now, I do have a tendency to be interested in the magical and mystical but that doesn't necessarily mean that I believe in it. All things taken with a grain of salt in my opinion. I think that a Tarot card reading doesn't necessarily reveal your future but make you more cognizant of what's going on around you so that you don't get struck off guard. It's an eye opener and this particular event opened my eyes. It didn't make me so enlightened; I'll equate it to getting slapped in the face by a 5 year old. It's more shocking than painful. It'll open your eyes for a brief moment before you turn back to reality again.
First off she said that I needed to find a creative outlet. Now, I thought I was doing ok when I had started writing this thing. Who reads it? Probably no one, but no matter. I get to put my unfiltered thoughts out there and that's something that I enjoy. So I'm going to try and be a little more attentive to my updates on this and maybe that will make me a little easier to live with.
She said that I think very poorly of myself because of my actions and that I shouldn't be doing that. When I spoke to someone else about this, they equated me to a modern day Robin Hood. Yes, I cheat, lie, fight and am all around shady but I do it to help people. They can't get it on their own, and so I have to step up and do it. She told me that instead of thinking that I'm such a horrid person that I should focus on the REASONS I do what I do instead of the actual ACTIONS of what I'm doing. For once, I have an example of bad actions producing good results. My mother would be proud.
After we got over the whole 'you're not going to go to Hell for your job' thing she told me to take it easy at my job a little more. She 'saw' that I incorporate a lot of the personality I have at work into my personal life; that I work a little too much, too. I like to think that I am one way in the office and a total different way when I'm not in the office. I find it amazing that I will end up meeting people in our 'off time' and they'll perceive me in a whole different light. Once a bitch, now a sweetie. Of course there are those that just like my bitchy side :) Essentialy, she told me to just take it easy and not take myself so seriously. I'm on a 12 step program for it. I'm seeing small but significant success.
The last thing that she said was really the defining shocker. She said that my family will be ok and that they don't need me the way I think they need me.
For so long I've put myself in a rut. I've made it so that my family is the most important thing to me. I broke up from my boyfriend at their advice (which ended up to be good advice but I would've liked to enjoy the smooth ride we had going a little longer instead of getting on the damn roller coaster). I've essentially been the bouncher for my family and it turns out that they didn't even need me like that. If it's true, that's a hard realization to come to. My sinking feeling is that it is true.
Throughout this last reveleation she revealed that my family can see that I'm unhappy and that it's making them unhappy. The fact that I'm the one that tries to protect them from being unhappy and I'm the purpose of their unhappiness was painful. She said that I need to start living for me and not for everyone else. I can't help everyone I work with, I can't shield my entire family but I can do something that makes ME happy.
That's what I'm going to try to do.
No more working until 8 o'clock at night. I'm out by 7 o'clock at the latest (hey, I gotta start somewhere!)
No more coming into the office on weekends. No one else is there, there's not reason for me to be there.
I will however need to make it IN to the office at a decent hour >.<
No more: It's family dinner tonight so I can't go out. I'll grub, say my thanks, and take off.
I'll start looking for a new place to live.
If my family loves me as much as I love them, they'll stand behind me. And maybe buy me housewarming gifts.
First off she said that I needed to find a creative outlet. Now, I thought I was doing ok when I had started writing this thing. Who reads it? Probably no one, but no matter. I get to put my unfiltered thoughts out there and that's something that I enjoy. So I'm going to try and be a little more attentive to my updates on this and maybe that will make me a little easier to live with.
She said that I think very poorly of myself because of my actions and that I shouldn't be doing that. When I spoke to someone else about this, they equated me to a modern day Robin Hood. Yes, I cheat, lie, fight and am all around shady but I do it to help people. They can't get it on their own, and so I have to step up and do it. She told me that instead of thinking that I'm such a horrid person that I should focus on the REASONS I do what I do instead of the actual ACTIONS of what I'm doing. For once, I have an example of bad actions producing good results. My mother would be proud.
After we got over the whole 'you're not going to go to Hell for your job' thing she told me to take it easy at my job a little more. She 'saw' that I incorporate a lot of the personality I have at work into my personal life; that I work a little too much, too. I like to think that I am one way in the office and a total different way when I'm not in the office. I find it amazing that I will end up meeting people in our 'off time' and they'll perceive me in a whole different light. Once a bitch, now a sweetie. Of course there are those that just like my bitchy side :) Essentialy, she told me to just take it easy and not take myself so seriously. I'm on a 12 step program for it. I'm seeing small but significant success.
The last thing that she said was really the defining shocker. She said that my family will be ok and that they don't need me the way I think they need me.
For so long I've put myself in a rut. I've made it so that my family is the most important thing to me. I broke up from my boyfriend at their advice (which ended up to be good advice but I would've liked to enjoy the smooth ride we had going a little longer instead of getting on the damn roller coaster). I've essentially been the bouncher for my family and it turns out that they didn't even need me like that. If it's true, that's a hard realization to come to. My sinking feeling is that it is true.
Throughout this last reveleation she revealed that my family can see that I'm unhappy and that it's making them unhappy. The fact that I'm the one that tries to protect them from being unhappy and I'm the purpose of their unhappiness was painful. She said that I need to start living for me and not for everyone else. I can't help everyone I work with, I can't shield my entire family but I can do something that makes ME happy.
That's what I'm going to try to do.
No more working until 8 o'clock at night. I'm out by 7 o'clock at the latest (hey, I gotta start somewhere!)
No more coming into the office on weekends. No one else is there, there's not reason for me to be there.
I will however need to make it IN to the office at a decent hour >.<
No more: It's family dinner tonight so I can't go out. I'll grub, say my thanks, and take off.
I'll start looking for a new place to live.
If my family loves me as much as I love them, they'll stand behind me. And maybe buy me housewarming gifts.
posted by Anonymous Defender at 1:37 PM
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